Meeting Gracie

Last night Libby ate her first full meal - spaghetti. Before that she had a little bit of ice cream thanks to the quick thinking of the Sweeney family. That got her system going again, I think, because she ended up eating a little bit at every meal today. She woke up a bit emotional, but by the time we came down for breakfast she was eating and playing with the other kids here. Most of the day she was very pleasant. There was one CRAZY meltdown- the King of all meltdowns so far on this trip - when Billy had to watch her because I had to work on some paperwork for the adoption process. She wanted mommy. Mommy couldn't hold her. She went to war with Billy. Billy won. And from then on she was fine. I think she needed to just let it all out like that AND have daddy stick to his guns. She later apologized to Billy and gave him a big hug. SCORE!

Last night a friend emailed me to share that when her son was taking steroids for asthma they would call the pills "mean pills" because the steroids would make him angry and he would kick, scream, growl and hit. Libby was on steroids last Sunday, Monday, and Tuesday. I think they can stay in your system for a while and maybe that is what has contributed to the aggressiveness of Libby's meltdowns. Today she was much better so I'm hoping that if it was the steroids, that they are washing out and will not bother her anymore. Libby woke up with several red marks on both sides of her face and neck and on the back of her arm. They look a little like bug bites. When I saw them this morning I thought for sure they were the beginnings of chicken pox, but everyone here is telling me that the chicken pox starts on the belly and mid-region of the body and Libby has no marks there. They are definitely itching her, but when I try to put anti-itch cream on them she starts flipping out and the drama ensues. I'm wondering if she is breaking out in hives from all the stress or from the virus she had been fighting. That has happened to her before. We'll see. No one else here has bug bites and I slept in the same bed as her and have not bug bites - so I'm really thinking its hives.

This morning started with a paperwork session at a cafe rather than an orientation at the Hilton as I thought was scheduled. We filled out our I600 and I864 forms and handed over our 2008 tax returns and $400. I think that's all the major paperwork we'll have to do here. After that we went to another restaurant to have lunch. It seemed like we were there FOREVER as all of us were much more interested in meeting our babies/children than eating. But the drivers were in no rush and so we waited a LONG time. We finally headed to the transition home sometime after 2:30pm. No one told us what to expect or how it would play out. We all piled out of the bus and were hanging out on the front "lawn" when all of the sudden I realized that the Byrom family was meeting their sibling group of 3 on the front porch. I didn't have much time to think. I started video taping and then realized that only 2 families down the alphabet we were up. On the bus ride over, Libby had fallen asleep so we put her in a stroller and she was OUT! This was really perfect timing. When our names were called we met Gracie and were very surprised by the amount of chicken pox scabs all over her face, head, hands, neck - EVERYWHERE! Poor little girl!! We got some great pictures and video of the moment. And then we got to hold her and love on her for another 1 1/2 hours. Gracie is beautiful and she is so alert. She stared at me the entire time I held her. She smiled the first time she saw Billy. She is very pleasant and never cried. She seemed very content. When I put some lotion on her scabs today she just nestled right into my hand and I could tell she liked it. She is a doll! I can't wait for you all to meet her!  

Libby slept until the last 20 minutes. I had to move Libby's stroller to get Libby to wake. She was NOT a happy camper at first. So we played it smart and safe and Billy held Gracie on the other side of the lawn while I consoled Libby as she woke from a deep sleep and a not-long-enough nap. Finally Libby seemed capable of meeting Gracie. I mentioned to her that her daddy was holding her baby sister. She started holding me tight and wouldn't say anything. I inched my way over and knelt down next to Billy so Libby was eye to eye with Gracie. She wouldn't touch her. She just stared. At some point Billy got up and started walking as he held Gracie and Libby wanted me to hold her and follow them. She was keeping her eye on her baby sister. I started talking to Gracie about her big sister and how awesome she is going to be and how Libby is going to play with her and make her laugh. Then I started quoting 2 pages of her "The Best Big Sister" book that her Grammy gave to her that always make her laugh. It says, "my baby sister poops in her diaper, but I can poop in the potty all by myself." I add a few words and funny things to it and that made her laugh and really warm up! Then Libby asked if she could get a toy out of the diaper bag to show to Gracie Lu. So we bent down and got the toy and she showed Lulu how it works. Later I showed Libby how Gracie's hand will grab onto my finger and I pretended that Gracie wouldn't let my finger go. Libby thought that was funny and had to give it a try. Finally she touched her baby sister and played. At that point it was time to give Gracie back to the nannies and get back on the bus. We walked through the TH back to Gracie's crib and we saw SO MANY babies. Libby went inside with me and I think it was an ahhaa! moment for her. We've read the "Shoey and Dot" book about babies in orphanages and we've talked about her time in an orphanage with nannies and other babies in China, but this was her first time to see one for herself. She totally understood and just stared at all the babies. She was speechless, but the look on her face told me that she was really thinking about it and taking it all in. I'm sure it will come up in the near future. For that reason alone, I'm glad she is here. I think even knowing what I know now, that I would do this again. It has been eye opening to see Libby's control issues magnified in this situation. I'm going home and reading "The Connected Child" that a adoptive mom here told me about right away so I can start helping Libby address this issue. Sometimes it takes rocking the boat for such issues to really become apparent. AND - I think her fear of being left behind is far greater than her control issues - so in light of that, I think that if we had left her behind it may have even been more emotionally challenging for her PLUS we would not have been with her to help her cope with it. That's the way I'm seeing it today, at least.

It was hard to take Gracie back into the TH,  but it worked out well for Libby to be alone with us tonight. Libby is really tired tonight since her nap was cut short and she had a good meltdown before bed. But she has come so far in the last 24 hours and I think tomorrow will be even better. This has definitely been our best day on the trip so far - by far. 

Gracie is precious. The experience this time around is very different for me. When we received Libby I had nothing to compare the experience to. She was my first baby and just discovering that I could be a mom and enjoy it was such a relief and a climatic experience. This time around I find myself aware of all of Libby's emotions and sicknesses and that made it hard to fully connect to Gracie. Also, Gracie is so little and not really able to respond in the way that Libby did at nine months when we got her. Its just completely different. I know that we will grow and bond with Gracie deeply over the next few days and weeks and I CAN'T WAIT to do that. But today I do feel a little unfamiliar with her and do not feel natural at being her mother quite yet. I know this is normal, it's just hard because I want to have that immediate connection. Too, I think knowing that I had to give her right back today left me guarded. I just wanted to strip her down (she was in layers and it was hot outside) and put Neosporin on her little scabs and feed her a bottle and dress her up cute. Tomorrow I can do that. Tomorrow I can jump start my heart to feel fully. This paragraph is totally transparent and honest. It has nothing to do with Gracie herself, for she is worth every deep emotion stirring within. But it is the truth about adoption and bonding and I think it will be helpful to other mommies adopting who may have grand expectations about that moment. I previously thought I would cry or feel immediately relieved to hold her or feel some deep connection, but that was not the case today.  However -  I know Gracie is my daughter that God chose for us and I know that the bond WILL COME and I do LOVE HER! Its a crazy mix of emotions to try to describe. I don't think I'm making much sense. Nothing about today was discouraging. It was just different. I've not been around babies this age much. She is so tiny and only 4 months old! I don't even know what to do, but I'm ready to work at it! And the great news for me today, is that Libby wants to work at it with me. She loves Gracie already. Billy was really cute with her too. Sure wish I could post photos. We got some great ones today!

We are tired tonight. Tomorrow is another long day. I'm going shopping  - which I can't wait to do. And then we get our Gracie in the afternoon to be ours FOREVER! Time to boil nipples and bottles and gather items for the diaper bag! I can't believe this is all happening. What an experience! 

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Billy and Cindy Foote
Billy Foote Music, Inc.
3531 Hilldale Point
San Antonio, TX 78261
817.371.0689
www.billyfoote.com
www.myspace.com/billyfooteband
www.followthefeet.blogspot.com
www.adoptingaria.blogspot.com
www.libbysong.com