We Passed The 3 Month Mark - And My Views on Some Changes

Time is ticking! We passed the 3 month mark while we were in Michigan this weekend. I was talking to someone at the church there, looked on my watch and noticed the date said 8/13 and my heart did a little leap of joy that the 3 month mark had arrived. Just another 5-6 months of waiting to go before Aria-Lu's is revealed to us! The greatest comfort is that Jesus already knows her - her name, her birthday, her biological parents and her entire life story - beginning to end. He knows her intimately and maybe - just maybe He is watching and weaving her in her mother's womb right now. Only Jesus knows.

I missed this month's conference call. I was so excited to be in on the call. I called in promptly at 2pm, started listening to the conversation and realized they were at the end of the call. I forgot the call started a 2pm EASTERN time. Oh bummer!

So I quickly reviewed the notes from the cc that our YG is so graciously quick to post. As I read the notes everything was very positive except for one change that sort of saddened my heart. I'm not saying the change isn't positive - I'm just saying the change was sad for me. And even while I say that it made me sad - I never came to tears or thought my world would explode. It was just a simple sadness with some thought behind it, that's all. So - to explain - up to this point all AW (our agency) families have traveled to E, received their babies a couple of days after arrival, stayed in the Hilton and the total travel time was about 7 days. Well, the M*** (which governs over international adoptions in E) met with different international adoption agencies and shared their suggestions that agencies should begin staying in Guest Houses instead of the Hilton AND they suggested that once families have their babies they should stay under the radar and not be out about town with their babies. The M*** said they have received some public pressure as people in E do not understand international adoption. So the option is to either receive our babies early in the week and remain mostly in the guest house - or receive our babies later in the week - which means less time for 24/7 bonding before the long flight home.

I was not sad at all about the whole guest house thing. I really don't care where we stay. But I was sad to hear that we could not be out with our children. The very first thought I had was about the post I had just "published" a few days prior on our family blog: www.followthefeet.blogspot.com - about Libby's Gotcha Day and my most precious memory of my time in China with her. Libby was strapped to me in the Baby Bjorn and we walked around China exploring her country - not in the fancy hotel, not in the big shops - but in the side streets where the real markets were and the real Chinese faces and smells started to sink in. Libby would study my face as I interacted with her people. The Chinese people would ask questions and I was just soaking up Libby's stares and her homeland. It was such a rich, intimate and precious time to me. I feel like that experience allows me the opportunity to share with Libby, one day, my thoughts and experiences with the "real" Chinese people - not the communist leadership, not the "ideal" - but the real, hardworking, culturally rich Chinese people - from colors, to tastes, to dialects and precious conversations with those who delighted in Libby's new - found hope. This is a gift I get to give back to Libby one day.

So - I had just posted about that being my most precious memory and BAM the conference call revealed that we will not have that opportunity with Lulu. So my heart felt really sad about that. I was never plummeted into the depths of depression or anything ridiculous like that - I was just disappointed - not destroyed or distraught or angry or anything else - just sad and disappointed.

Now I firmly believe that AW has international adoption, orphans and it's adopting families' best interests in mind. I also believe that if doing what the M*** suggests is the only way to keep international adoption an open option - then - we must do that. I firmly believe that - "whatever the cost might be to follow the Christ my King" (as my husband so eloquently wrote) is still true for my life. I'm not going to not adopt just because I can't have it just the way I dreamed. And, as my closest friends and family know, I am culturally sensitive, particularly when it comes to adoption issues. Though we adopt with joy - I realize that adoption happens because of the reality of pain for some else.

Having said that- I have further reasons for being sad about this reality. In my spirit, it just didn't settle right. It was incredibly sad to think that the M*** considers tucking adoptive families away from the public "a step in the right direction". While education of the E people about adoption will take lots of time - it really CAN'T start unless they see it happening. As we've worked with some African refugees in our city they have been so confused when they see Libby with us - this includes the Burmese refugees we work with. They keep looking at us and then back to Libby and they ask questions all the time - but their questions are just because they've never seen adoption before -particularly international adoption. But the more they see my love for Libby and how we respond to each other as mother and daughter the more their eyes are opened and some of the Africans have even talked to me about how much hope they think Libby has now that she is no longer an orphan in China. They are starting to get it because it is being modeled before them.

If there is anything I have learned about spiritual warfare and how it works over the last 2 years of my life - it's that darkness - keeping things secret or hidden - does not allow light to penetrate and reveal the beauty that darkness loves to keep a scary mystery. E people will always think adoption is strange and weird and unnatural and... list goes on - unless they see an adoptive family carrying around one of their children with tender caresses, a sincere smile, an exchange of hellos, and the joy written on our faces. We can show the E people love and help them to not fear the "unknown" of international adoption by being where the real E people are. So - my spirit did not resonate with the new change - though I realize the need to adapt to the change for obvious reasons.

My dear friends, L and T, were missionaries in northern Uganda for 10 years. They came over for tea and conversation the evening after I read about these changes. So I asked them to share with me their perspective. They said that mostly Africans just don't know how adoption works and they are curious and hesitant because of their lack of knowledge - lack of ever seeing it or being educated about it. They said that most, however, if you talk and explain it to them will feel like it's a good thing. They said the problem is that there is probably a certain strata of leadership or society that wants to keep certain "appearances" up and that group probably has some influence over M***. They said in Africa that's just the way it works - a certain strata of society has influence and what they decide is the way it is. The common man of E isn't going to have any say in it - to disagree or agree. But the M*** must pay heed to those who have influence over it in order to continue their work - in order to survive.

In light of that being the case - this is where my sadness rests most heavily. AW, M*** and the common E man/woman can't change what a few have decided should be kept unseen. All they (and we) can do is follow the rules and get our babies. As far as E is concerned -the kind of "governing" that is influenced by corrupt hearts is not the kind that has the option to make long-term-healthy decisions. It must do what it has to do to survive. And I think that's very true of this precious country. They are just in survival mode and that makes my heart incredibly sad.

When I shared with my YG my sadness (pause here to say that our YG is incredible!) I was short on time and typing quickly and I don't know that my entire heart could be expressed in a message post and some people probably thought - wow, what a whiner... but I don't think that is the case. I am looking at this situation not just as a physical issue, but spiritual as well and the new change has somehow brought some of E's plight to my heart/mind in a fresh and burdened way - not because my dream of walking with Lulu around authentic E towns will be unfulfilled (I'll get over that) - but rather, what the death of that expectation/dream means on a deeper level for E as a whole.

Okay - that took a long time to say... I'll leave it at this - "I know the plans God has for me". "I know goodness and mercy will follow me all the days of my life". I know Lulu is coming - and she is coming HOME. And - I know that God's heart breaks for E - their struggles, their dreams unfulfilled. May He bring to light the depth of their aching so restoration CAN begin. May He also reveal the hope and light of what He IS doing among the E people - through our E brothers and sisters in Christ, through international adoption, through financial aid and food/water/medical relief. May His work be revealed to the common man/woman of E. Because the closeness of God is so good!